What if... Wednesday

What if… Jessie could talk back?

Sometimes I find myself wondering what would happen if I could actually have a conversation with my cat. I mean, if we are being honest I do already carry on conversations with Jessie, but they tend to be one-sided, with me speaking in complete sentences and assuming that her yelling is actually something intelligible. I did, at some point, read about a guy who was working on a collar that would allow your dog to speak with you, and I assume the idea could have been translated to cats; but I haven’t heard anything about a completed project, so I’m guessing he was unsuccessful.

Anyway, sometimes I equate talking with pets to having a baby. Like you can hear that it’s crying, but you’re not really sure which of the dozen usual causes is the culprit, or, for that matter, if it is something completely outside of the normal scope of expectations.

In our house, the usual culprits are:

     1) She want’s to go outside and the patio door isn’t open.

     2) Her food dish is empty.

     3) She wants a treat.

     4) There is a fly in the house and it’s annoying her. (It is worth noting that there wouldn’t be ANY flies in the house if she didn’t insist on having the patio door open so that she could come in and out to lounge in the sun as she pleases, but I digress.)

     5) Her water dish is empty.

     6) Her litter box is not to her liking.

And finally,

     7) I am not giving her the adequate amount of attention she believes is acceptable. This one sometimes results in crying, but mostly she just comes up and plops down on whatever it is that is currently getting the attention she believes is due to her.

I can just imagine how much easier our lives would be if she could talk, though. Instead of her trying to bury the can of wet cat food in the carpet (as if it was a turd in the litter box), she could just be like, “Hey lady, I don’t like this flavor.”


Instead of finding cat hair on EVERYTHING, we could establish a specific spot for kitties, so that only one particular seat is covered in hair, instead of all the furniture–up to and including the kitchen table.


Maybe she could tell me when she has eaten too much and gotten sick on the carpet next to (or in) the bed, so then I could clean it up BEFORE I unsuspectingly find it with my toes or hand. . .

On one hand I think it would be pretty sweet to be able to talk to my cat, but on the other hand, wouldn’t it be weird if our cats could tell us that they actually finds us incredibly weird, and they’d really rather live with someone else? Would we still want to hear their opinions?

Do you talk to your pet? What do you think they would say if they could talk back to you? Do you have a “What If?” you’d like to see in the future? Let me know in the comments below!    

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